What is the reality in life? You don’t know, I wonder who does. But the fact remains that nobody dies virgin, everyone gets fucked up in their lives. Be it a saint or a sinner everyone is fucked up. But most of the people who are content with their lives do not even realize this, they think they are above this rule, in reality they are ones who are the most screwed.
So be it, what I find problematic and recently I have found the sort of perfect word for this is pseudogiri, people are living a pseudo life, they are sticking to ideals which are in no way real or have anything close to reality. When we want to discuss things about a particular practice the fundamentals are never questioned, they remain the untouchables. They cannot be thought of questioned about, they cannot be argued against. They are there, so they are and yo have to live with them…

# Are you alive and kicking?

The message read “Hope ur alive and kicking. Havent been seeing u around. Tc”

What is this supposed to mean? I don’t know. I think I will ask the sender of the this message what it is supposed to mean? But whom is the message for? If it is for him, it is too late. For he died a few days back; somebody killed him in cold blood. Why the Tc [I hope it means take care…] for, when there are other mental retards to take care of [apologies to the real retards]?

Anyways I am sick of this…

Trying to be responsible to people who are not for you… Who only want so part of you which is beneficial for them… They do not accept the package deal, so I have decided to do the same… But I got a bit more far…. I reject the deal completely….

This will save me from a lot of trouble, though it may cause some trouble to others…

But why should be I bothered? Why do I have to take responsibility where I have none?

Maybe people should learn…

Maybe I should learn; not to trust them at all …

# Bonding with Things?

What do mean when somebody says they don’t understand? Everybody understands. What people fail to understand is the other’. By the other’ I mean thinking about thinking i.e. meta thinking. We fail to understand what the other people are trying to tell from their’ perspective. Whatever we see or hear the perspective is always ours. This is a sort of filter that is very difficult to let go. Most of us don’t even realize this, because we are not able to think beyond this, without this. For most of us there is no other way in which we can know about things, think about people and objects…

Many people are not happy with me being bonded to the tools of technology. They ask how can you have feelings for a dead and inanimate object like your bike or computer or books? Instead of loving living things how can you love things which cannot return your feelings or appreciation?

But my experience has been different, maybe this is my bias for things which I like. But then everybody of us has some or the other bias, only difference is mine is not what the majority has…

I am like that…

I cannot do without loving things which I use, unlike people who just use’ them but don’t love’ them. Maybe these people do this for humans also they just use’ them but not love’ them….

And it is these people who call me techo-freak…

What I think is these people are inherently incapable of loving anybody let alone anything…

So when they see me caring about inanimate’ things they become uncomfortable at this thought or loving things of caring about them because it is totally alien to them, to their thought process… And this is what they even don’t realize, they are judging their inability to care or love about people with my bonding with things…

# What it is to be normal…

What does it mean to be normal? Normalcy as seen sociologically reflects the idea that majority of public have about things. But we have to keep in mind that the things that are considered normal now, once might be considered abnormal and vice versa.

So what we have here is evolution of some idea with time. These ideas are defined by the people and the contemporary society. But how do these ideas take shape? Is it really the decision of the majority? Or it is decision of some people in the society who really matter? When these people make a judgment the rest follow…

This seems plausible. With the given social structure we have ensured that more people have to think about two square meals than reflect about life and other things. So really only a very few people in any given society at any given time think. And it is these people who decide what is normal… They are the ones who formulate guidelines for being normal or abnormal…

And the rest of public will tend to follow them without reflecting about things themselves. This is true for all the social institutions that have existed for some time. Nobody questions the ideology, they only follow.

For example let us take an issue. It is not supposed to be good to be adulterous. Why? Who decides that adultery is not good? Many societies have the strongest punishment for the crime of adultery. But why it is considered a crime at all? By whose definition adultery is crime? Since our ancestors believed that it was a crime we also tend to think so. But has anybody tried to see the justification for this other than given by the ancestors. They just know it is not good. But why if somebody asks them, then what is the answer that they give? That its just not good thats all.

# Politics…

Recently I hear from Ruchi that there is an unrest in Govandi…
They say some Buddhist monk is found hanging dead and so the unrest. These people they can’t get over it…

And the other lot knows how to use it…
Its all politics…
They say mi marlya sarke karto, tu laglya sarkhe kar’ and the game goes on, in the end no one wins…
These games are not meant for winning they are just there for waging, only in the dragging of such games without any end results will there be any profit for those who initiate such games. And the people who suffer are common people like you and us.

I really don’t know how to get out or over this, but this particular problem is there, and I guess it going to stay in India for some time to come…

# One Night At Bade Mian..

Was feeling too lonely today….
Slept at about 5 am after watching some movies…
Had to get up early for booking the tickets, thanks to Ritesh’s new titanium credit card it was done through office I did not have to goto bank or the station…
The rest was shitty…
I did not feel like doing anything, was too lethargic to do anything….

Created a very good corn veggie delight but was screwed up by basil…
Notes to the self: Don’t add basil just for the sake of it…

Then slept through the afternoon till evening …
In the evening thought of going to Bade Mian’s…

So took the 21 number bus to Regal from there abhijit had given me directions which took me right there. The place is really a stall, which has expanded into a huge one…
They also have a pure veg’ section; they have taken an exhibition stall across the street and are using it as a makeshift place to serve. The business is booming…

When went there alone I had to share a table with two other guys, when the waiter presented the menu card [his number was 24] the card does not have prices mentioned on it [isn’t it strange? to have a menu card without the prices ] Even then Bade Mian serves a select dishes, mostly kabab’s etc.

NO RICE ITEMS !! 🙁

Would have liked to taste biryani at a place like this…

Aroma of the food could be smelled from the point where you see the Bade Mian’s stall…
Forgot to take the camera other wise would have posted a photo here too…
Most of the crowd looks affluent….

Any ways I did not have large amounts of cash, so I order sheekh kabab and kheema fry with two rotis….

The service is very fast, the order comes in 3-4 minutes flat; even with so much rush !! I hope other hotels could follow the same…

I am also fast… Was quite hungry finish off the plate quickly before the two guys who were eating with me…

The bill comes to about Rs. 156 reasonable for the quality of food. Though I would like the quality to be increased of kheema…

Anyways ciao …

# Why?

What was the need of putting me all through these? Why can’t be people straight about their feelings about me? If I am f no concern to them they should tell so … directly. Why crib about it, then make you feel Oh I am so concerned about you…’ all bull shit. Nobody cares, everybody wants their piece of meat and wants to get away… Go away and don’t ever come back in my life…

Most of us including me are living a pseudo life…. We don’t want to see the other’ side ever… The other’ is not acceptable, hence we twist and turn the reality to such dimensions that it is diametrically opposite to what people other than you are thinking about.

This is a classic Rashomon effect, what ever action you do, good or bad, people tend to put labels on you… And these labels have to have a reason, which these people will only come up with. This is irrespective of whether you originally intended to have that reason or not…

But then as Solaris puts it There are No Answers, Only Choices,’ and this is what people make. They make choices, only choices which can have only superficial reasons. The reasons that seem to be convincing at one point of time, might see m absurd at another. Or even might seem absurd to someone other at the same moment of time. This choice is what determines the future of your outcomes… But to decide what choice is to be made, what are the reasons that one can give?

I really want to